Sunday, November 28, 2010

Advent Creed

This has been my reflection for this morning. (Thank you Deb for sharing it with me). We used it in our service this morning and numerous people came to me with reflections on it's words. The line that has moved me today is "ruler alike of darkness and light.' Our presbytery was kindly reminded by Sandra recently to be aware and sensitive using the images of darkness and light. I have come to appreciate 'emmanuel' God with 'me' in the dark or shadow, or deep and difficult times of life. Happy New Year everyone. May you be awakened this season to the light of Christ.


Darkness and Light: A Creed for Advent


We believe in God, robed in splendour,

veiled in mystery,

ruler alike of darkness and light.

We encounter God in Jesus Christ,

who was tested and put to death,

but whose radiance could not be quenched;

whose touch brings a blaze of colour

to a dull, drab world:

reviving the weary, healing the wounded,

unsettling the satisfied.


We walk with God,

guided by the light of God’s loving spirit;

the light which enters the shadowed places

of our hearts and leads us into truth and life.


We wait for God,

and for the fulfillment of God’s promises;

for the time when the darkness will hold no fear

and the light will show the way,

and creation will be made whole once more

and God’s peace will reign forever.

Amen

Cally Booker, Candles and Conifers (adapted)


Saturday, November 27, 2010

Feelings, Resistance, and Drawing the Circle Wide

I'm grateful for the posts thus far. Gayle reminds me of my own truth--that I cannot, under any circumstances, do certain things BEFORE my prayer time if I actually want to get there! Since my meditation time usually occurs after I make tea and feed the dog, and since I have to wander past my computer on my way to my little corner, it is one of my biggest spiritual learnings NOT to reach out and turn the darn thing on. Or get involved in cleaning the kitchen, or doing food prep for a retreat. This is especially true on the days when the load is really heavy--when I wake up anxious. I do adjust the amount of time I spend in prayer depending on the needs of the day; I really can't get up at 5 am--or more truthfully, I'm not willing to--when my life starts early. But I try to at least put my butt on the prayer bench if only to say hello to the Christ of my life.

Long ago I had a wise friend who told me that just because I felt terrible, it didn't mean I was doing the wrong thing. It might well mean that I was doing the right thing, and just living through my resistance. I have found this to be very true for my prayer life. I don't usually find that lovely space of peace until I exercise the discipline of sitting through the resistance. It helps not to label myself as a failure, since that makes me feel awful and simultaneously lets me off the hook. It also helps to just hoist myself up and try again--sans judgment--after a couple of days when I let things slip.

Howard Thurman, the black theologian and mystic, writes about drawing all of life into our prayer practice. For me, that means that when I find myself feeling like I am "failing," I put that feeling too inside the circle and see it as part of God's life in me, my life in Christ. Something to work with as opposed to something to shove away from me.

Friday, November 26, 2010

How Then Shall We Pray? - Luke 11:1-13

When we began this spiritual practice challenge as the Spiritual Care Network planning team I immediately thought of a sermon I had preached in July on my struggle with prayer. I am going to offer more of the struggle part of my sermon because I know I am not alone.


I envy people who pray well. Or who have the kind of faith that always believes in prayer. Now that might be shocking for you to hear come out of your ministers mouth but it is one of my deep dark secrets...

I have tried to become a certain kind of prayer more than once. I have attempted to be holy like Luther and others and get up early in the morning just to pray. But in all honesty I’m not a morning person so unless I don’t have to be to work or something else early I really don’t want to get busy before I have to - so the prayer times quickly slip into something I’m not sure many would count as holy.

I have attempted to come into my office every morning and begin in silent prayer but quickly I can get interrupted or distracted or realize I forgot to start there (and then I start praying just because I feel guilty and well - then I think that’s what it is supposed to be about and...)

I have read the books, I have tried the formats. I have heard what proper prayer looks like and how to get results. I have journaled, I have done prayer walks, I have done silent retreats....and the list goes on.

There is a lot of shame in this for me because my mother and my brother are prayers. They both get up every morning and take time in prayer and reading like every good Christian should. In fact my mom used to say every time I had a struggle “Just pray about it” until one day I snapped (Like only a daughter does to her mother). “Mom if it were that easy I wouldn’t have called you to talk about it.”

And yes this happened after I received the title of Reverend...

Now that I have gotten that off my chest all you ‘prayers’ out there can say a prayer for me. Because the greatest struggle I find with prayer being an achiever like I am is that if I don’t get the result I want I am convinced I have done it all wrong. The struggle with prayer formulas is that if the prayer doesn’t work then there appears to be only two options: there is something wrong with me and/or my praying, or there is something wrong with God... If you are someone who has written off faith and religion you most likely have decided there is something wrong with God. If you are a faithful church goer or person of faith then when your prayer doesn’t work you are more likely to blame yourself.

I know that people say God gives us three answers to our prayers which are “yes” “no” or “maybe” but even that confuses me because scripture clearly says “Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you.” So why is it then when I ask even for good things - healing for a friend, comfort for a person who is depressed, or something for myself - why would God ever say no to those things?

I have come to discover of myself that when I start thinking that way I have forgotten the purpose of prayer. And to be honest I think this struggle I have with prayer just might be God given - because I find myself praying all the more as I seek to understand prayer more and to be connected with God more. I find myself eager to try new spiritual practices all the time. Maybe that is what this parable is about - constant seeking to be in tune with The Holy...

I fully believe in prayer and it may sound confusing but praying without ceasing has freed me up to know that I actually can pray. It has freed me up to wake up in the mornings as pray in between the snooze alarm, or in the shower, or on my walk, or as I journal - but not just with a certain formula or just for me - for everything and moment I encounter. It means for me that when I feel led to pray when I get into the office in the morning I just do even though I have not done it every day routinely...

Douglas John hall wrote “The object of prayer Christianly understood, is not so much to lose oneself in the contemplation of the Divine as to find oneself. to become - so far as possible, who one is. Dependent, guilty, lost and vulnerable... Because the one to whom we pray is not ordinary...but glorious in loving, we are able sometimes through our most honest acts of prayer to find that our very weakness is the occasion for encounter with the Source of new strength.”

So weather you feel like you know how to pray or not. You are invited to pray or join us in a spiritual practice over the next weeks. Weather you think you pray or not I believe you do - in moments of beauty, awe and despair, in moments of loneliness, and joy acknowledge the spirit with you and you will know that you too are praying.

Amen.

Karen

Thursday, November 25, 2010

From Gaye Sharpe: "I had stopped paying attention..."

This past April my husband and I took a three week trip to Israel. One of the goals of the vacation was to discern the future with my current congregation. In other words I was contemplating resignation.
It had been a difficult year in ministry and I knew that I had to take some steps not to repeat it. I also wanted to own the part I played in the challenges the congregation and I faced and the conflicts in which we were embroiled. I required some distance from the pain and time to patch up the wounds.
I spent a day on the hill where it is surmised that Jesus preached the Sermon on the Mount. Perusing the library in the retreat centre I found a book on prayer which I read cover to cover in a few hours. The author now escapes me but listening emerged as the fundamental message.
In one of those epiphany moments, I realized that not only had I stopped listening or paying attention to the urgings of the Spirit, I had stopped paying attention to my own gifts and strengths in ministry. Since that day I have established a spiritual practice that has not only transformed my daily approach to my work, it has transformed my relationships with God’s people in my community.
My practices has become this:
·       I have set aside the first half hour of every work day where I book no meetings and I am not to be disturbed. If anyone asks for this time, I tell them this is my sacred time and I am not available. (Hopefully this is good modeling.)
·       I do not turn the computer on (very important I have discovered.)
·       I sit for 5 minutes looking out my window, noticing the day, and listening for where and how I am. I pay close attention to this. It’s amazing our lack of self-awareness sometimes.
·       For about ten minutes I read something – scripture, John O’Donohue’s To Bless the Space Between Us, Thomas Keating’s Invitation to Love, etc. I seem to know what I need.
·       Then I write. My writings are conversations with God about how the readings speak to my life, gratitude for this day or a plea for help (this usually relates to my getting in touch with me time). The bulk of the conversation is about setting my intention for this day in which I serve God. Often the conversation will travel through my daily agenda and I ask for the gifts I will need to be faithful, to love these people, to be open to their joys or pain, to listen with care and compassion, to act justly, to be gentle with myself.
The concept of spiritual practice is not new to any of you. I share this story because of the difference it has made. I now look forward to coming to work, I laugh (a lot) and have grown to love these people. Worship has depth and authenticity and I function out of my God-given strengths. Truly the glory is God’s.
Submitted by Gaye Sharpe, presently serving at Oak Bay United Church in Victoria